The Mental

I don't know what goes on in people's heads. Now I'm just bitter. Before I was idealistic. Things change. People change. Sometimes there's no going back. I am past the point of no return. Anyone who wants to be in my life must respect my personal space and beliefs or you will not like the result. In short, don't fuck with me. I'm tired of repeating myself. Internalized Anger. That was 1997. It's 2025. It seems the anger is still there. Dont play with fire. You will get burned. Just leave me be. I am far beyond beyond caring what your interpretations of my problems with my families are. I need to move on. That means leaving some people behind. Expecting people to change is like expecting the Red Sea to part. Only God does that. The truth is, sometimes life is just that: dark. 

IRL

I like playing with my cat. I want to spend more time with my guitar in private. I have a few things to sell. Please don't ask about my past or my family. I have more then a few ghosts. I like art. I like Spanish and French, though I'm not familiar with speaking French. I'm very much into technology. I don't actually like talking about myself. I lean towards European sports. I admire humility. I'm rather sick of being pushed around. I like to read. Ive spent so much time litigating my health that it has consumed me. I like cool weather and rain. I like animals. My skills are mostly academic. God grant me the peace to show up in public again, the patience to learn again, and the wisdom to bite my tongue. Grant psychiatrists the humility they so desperately need and the wisdom to shut their mouths.

Amen. 🙏 

Multiple Professionals Disorder

When you have too many people giving you advice, it's very much like garbage in, garbage out. Too much noise on the line. There's been a lot of BS coming my way. So, congratulations, you get what you pay for. But it's making me angry. I'm trying to have a sense of humor about this. Otherwise, it's radio silence for now. Never mind established research, let's circle the wagons and BS away. Never mind other professionals' standardized testing, let's be verbally abusive in a hospital setting. Find someone to blame, people. Honestly, what I'm engaging in could more accurately be called journalism then advocacy. But I'm trying to help. The health care workers are frustrated. Families are frustrated. I've been thinking about lawsuits. It needs to stop. There's not a hole to bury me in yet. So maybe back off angry. Just a little. Show some respect for the team. You think this is easy? You're dreaming.

People

There was a time when I thought I had some understanding of people. I did love psychology. I'm so tired of trying to understand people. I write these words hoping someone might find some comfort in knowing that someone else out there struggles. When we're all just walking around, it's not so clear. Sometimes people say the strangest things. Now I avoid people. It's gotten too difficult. I keep getting pushback. I don't understand the program. Then they get angry that I don't get it. As if I'm trying to obstruct. I'm just breathing, folks. Waiting for y'all to figure out what you want. I'll still be here when you do. Just make sure to keep it simple. Don't make me run around, waste my energy and my time. I've done that enough. I just don't get it. Now it's like shooting in the dark, tired of getting hit. Sometimes Hospitals try too hard. They try to accomplish too much in too little time, then get mad when it doesn't work out. Kinda like a fools rush in thing. I'm still trying to figure so many people out, and they're tired of trying to understand my lack of understanding. I've had many people like me. Now it seems hard to do.