They started describing it alternatively as obsessions, bizarre thoughts, Hallucinations, voices... finally it drifted to intrusive thoughts and occasionally back to hallucinations, depending on the source. If it's past related, it's generally called voices, flashbacks, dissociations, or intrusive thoughts. If it's substance or medically related, it's voices or hallucinations. If it's present time related, it's the obsessions or bizarre thoughts.
Intrusive thoughts are generally related to past experience but are triggered by things that happen in the present. Anything sensory that triggers a past association. My most common ones are seeing or hearing people from the past or seeing or hearing the same stimuli from the past. MIP. So many intrusive thoughts can come. Unfortunately, I know every square inch. It all has memories.
Now it feels like intrusive checking. The same people with the same judgments and concerns coming back for more. The Psychiatrists and relatives... the first rather reluctantly, the second rather addictively. Now I talk to a P.A. The mere fact that he does not qualify as a "psychiatrist" seems to console me. They move codes and labels around on a chart with their medications and talk about substances like it's their religion.
The checking feels like a colonoscopy at times. Always looking for a polyp. So far, I'm signed up for weekly colonoscopies. I pass enough of those, maybe I'll get to space them out. I guess the LPCS will consult with the Psychiatrists, Social workers, nurses, MDs and others, and they'll come back to me with a plan on that. Maybe the Techs will get a break. The professionals alternate from annoyed to amused. Particularly the Internist's office. So, I space out my words. BP's remained within slightly elevated but normal limits. So, I continue the non-medical intervention: diet and mild exercise with stress management. The only Psychiatrist I can manage to take seriously at this point is the one that is/was assigned to work with the PA. That and care coordination keep him within that circle of trust. Every psychiatric guideline in my head resonates from that Psychiatrist and PA. To me, Bipolar is a rich shrink's pipe dream. It's such a vague and elastic concept that you could throw it at a wall and it just might stick.
Maybe I'll add a dx to the DSM V. Under personality disorders. We'll call it Knowitall Personality Disorder (KPD).
Diagnostic criteria:
1. Habitual need for checking
2. Extensive knowledgebase
3. Inability to quit
4. Does not qualify for an obsessive disorder
5. Extreme need for categorization
6. Excessive attention to detail
7. Inability to shut mouth
8. Robotic communication
9. Excessive recordkeeping
10. Fails to take vacations
11. Maintains licensure when it makes no sense to do so
12. Condescending demeanor, with or without obnoxiousness
13. Intolerance for lesser beings
14. Lack of Hobbies
Exclusion criteria:
1. No four degree or higher or equivalent.
2. Has attended counseling voluntarily
3. Attends religious services regularly
4. Does not have a history of substance use
