ER Coping Skills

I used a lot of coping skills in the ER, as dissociated as I was. I counted things. Lots of imagery. I visited so many places. Around SC. Around the US. Around the world. I looked at outer space. At stars. I used ocean waves. Rain. Beaches. Forests. I rode leaves down streams. Jumped frogs. Waded in creeks. Built things. Watched fireworks. I floated in water. Mostly in the ocean. I collected shells. I saw waterfalls. I played almost every song I could think of. I reviewed intellectual topics. The military is a favorite. I contemplated different ships. The F-35. International Relations. Politics a little. Different people. Famous ones. I was the wind. I was the rain. I flew. I went swimming in the ocean. I closed my eyes and I went away. My mind was busy going here and there. I remembered conversations, certain memories.  I played with animals and critters some. I felt the sheets. They gave me some sprite. I focused on the bubbles. It was actually more nature imagery then music. But I kept my mind busy in whatever way I could. Then I started to come back. I started repeating trauma memories. I mentioned a few names. Honestly, I could barely tell who I was talking to. That became a thing. The whole, cleaning staff wear this color, techs that color, nurses this color. I believe I called nurses doctors at times. I kept my mind busy in whatever way I could. I can't even remember all the things I thought about. The counting was mostly fish or sheep or cows. I did the wind through the trees. Leaves are a favorite. I ran. I was in my mind. Blue jays, robins. Anything and everything I could to keep my mind off the trauma and off what was going on. Sea critters. Whales. Dolphins. At one point I was simply picking locations in the world. New Zealand. North Carolina. I was trying not to focus too much on any one thing. So I didn't use the same places. I tried to pick somewhere different to visit, a different animal, a different non personal memory. I skipped rocks. West Virginia. I revisited stories I had heard from random people. I wiggled my toes. Moved my fingers. Sometimes tapping, others just flexing. I mostly kept my eyes closed. I breathed. Sometimes to interrupt my thoughts I used phrases. 

At home, I prefer the hydration, the stretching, the yoga, reading, mild exercise, I review the five senses in every way I can think of. Different things to touch. Temperature changes. Not so much smells as I thought I would. I keep lemon, ginger, teas, fruit, veggies, spices. 

I've been getting into new things. Rocks. The counting down from 100 by 7s. I've always liked art. I'm not good at drawing or painting, but I like seeing it. Sculpture. I like birds. Trees. The rubbery grippy socks in the hospital. I liked the rubber part.

Lately I've had Nickleback in my head. "Where do I Hide".

Sometimes it's just a ticking clock.