All of these life concepts, all the creative thinking, the models of recovery and of religion and of different mental health processes... white boards are a trigger. I think too much
I heard that by the time a writer is 20, he has enough to write for the rest of his life. By extension, by the time you're 20, you have enough experience to do plenty.
Too much experience, too much knowledge? It's all bad computer program. Too much code. I'm calling different routines, losing myself in infinite loops, blue screens, 404s, and the like.
Early in your life, if you don't develop confidence, strong boundaries, and a clear identity, you'll learn so many things, you'll be lost in all that information, and you'll have hackers coming in fucking up the program.
You'll be in your head everyday, searching for the viruses that only exist in your mind.
So I'm cutting code, closing backdoors, freeing up memory with the talkers. I'm checking my firewalls every day. Because I have one machine. I have to protect it. Maintain it. Optimize it. I'm throwing out my scanner, I'm deleting files... running my updates... one day at a time.
I gotta make sure I shut down now and then. I've only got so much power. Blow out my dust. Take myself off the grid. Be careful about the communications that come in. I'm not clicking those links. I'm blocking spam.
So freaking tired. Headaches. Especially the forehead. Tingling in face. Sleepy.
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