Preaching the Word

Let's see, who does not yet know, through paperwork or otherwise, that I have health problems? I could go camping next week, then those people will know. I could move to Hawaii, then Hawaii will know. Hablo Espanol. Mexico is nice this time of year. Maybe Canada has a clinic. Georgia probably already knows...

I could always remind McClean. Or Lost'n Rigged. I saw that Einstein shrink. The PhD in MA. Clarity, Clarify... there's bound to be a shrink in West Virginia that doesn't know. Word travels more slowly there. MUSC knows... Beth Israel Deaconess, how could they forget? They brought me back from Coma #2. The device in my chest is tracked by insurance and doctors, they all know... I hear McClean has so many campuses now! Tomorrow is a new Center! Ill spread the Gospel like wildfire! No, maybe only so many people NEED to know... that boundaries thing... it keeps coming up. Complex medical trauma... who wants to learn? Rule number one: doctors are not your family. Rule number two: the nurses ain't neither. Rule number three, techinicans can have loose mouths. What's that law? Shippa? Crippa? Cant be that important. Just ignorant and well intended. Terraform? Ship in a storm? I'll remember. Nevermind keeping people safe. Nevermind ethics. Let's go piss people off. Pretend we don't notice. That's working out well. Oh wait. That boundaries thing again. There's gotta be a boundary pill. I already ate the DSM. I ate the discharge summaries. It was hard on the plumbing. Maybe i can go to Phoenix, eat thier intake papers. I'd smoke them, but I'd need my inhalor... Gateway's are a bit bland. Need more spice. What would my insurance like to pay for next? I think the rTMS and ECT makes them a bit sick. Spravato irritates my respiratory... Anmed knows me... maybe they have a program or three. I'll just go state by state. Once all the departments of health and human services know everything, then i can move to the next country, then they'll know.

Tomorrow is a new Center! I'm saved! It's a miracle! By Doctor, I am saved! Clozaluyah! Liver be damned! Immune system be damned! Thank the doctor, I am Saved! What does this prescription say? Go home. Damn. They're catching on. Oh wait, here's another! Oh, no, that's a discharge slip. Oh the internist will be so proud. I love to make my doctors proud. I'm thier veggie. The technicians water me. Harvest season is coming. I'll go to the fair... oh look! Another blood pressure cuff! Damn this is fun! I wonder what the numbers will say this time? This is better then gambling. 

And now, a message from our Sponsors... the CDC... SCDHEC... every LPC south of the state line... Please do not try this at home. Do not overdose on Depakote. You go into comas that way. Do not not overdose on Lithium. You get dialysis if you're lucky and your body doesn't quit. Do not overdose on three different prescriptions picked up from CVS... you get the desire to sue someone that way... and you'll be lucky if you come back.... Do not see more then one Psychiatrist... you become the DSM that way... it's rather dull, much like the tax code.

I am the Doctor, Saith the Shrink...

Whosoever druggith and believith in Bipolar Shall Never die...

Yet shall he become comatose, Rise up and Run around...

He shall numbeth out... He shall run around...

He shall Psychociate...

I will pilieth on the Antipsychotics,

The mood stabilizers...

The benzos and the off labels...

I will referrith here and there...

As many times as neccessary...

I will titrate up the dosage...

Until he is completely numb and unaware...

And the insurance will pay...

Or the family will pay...

So long as he does not go to counseling or journal ever again...