I've been thinking about trust a lot lately. I've got my categories.
Community
I can see and hear you. You are animate... living and breathing.
Person
I've met you. I may know your name. You're not an animal. I don't treat you like one.
Acquaintance
I've met you. We've interacted on multiple occasions. I know your name. I may not always remember it. Favors are limited based on need and give and take.
Friend
I interact with you regularly or repeatedly over a long period of time. I know your name. I almost always remember it. Favors are limited based more on need then give and take.
Relative
You have a biological or contractual connection to me or someone with that connection.
Family
You live with me. You may be a cat, dog, or other domestic animal.
Professional/Client
I interact with you only when you are under a contract to do so or are being paid to do so and vice versa. If you/I are not being paid, then you/I are on vacation.
Anchor
Whether you are present or not, I tend to remember you, and I will aid or protect you within my abilities and within the letter of the law. But I am human. I can only do so much. You also fall another category.
If I don't say something, it is not appropriate or necessary for me to comment or I'm not sure about the answer. If I ask a question you don't want/need to answer, then don't answer or decline to answer.
Boundary statements
I need you to XYZ (violation)
You are XYZ (violation)
I know your name and don't use it or use other names instead (violation)
You need to XYZ with XYZ person or in XYZ situation (violation)
I talk about you when you're not around (violation)
I use or move your things without asking or not under a contract of some sort (violation)
I touch, look at you, think about you, talk about you, or listen to what you're saying without permission that is implied or direct (violation)
He/she is... (violation)
Can I...? (No "you"... ok)
Would you (No "I"s... ok)
I contact you without permission or legitimate authority within the law. (violation)
Most obviously, I treat you differently based on a category related to personal characteristics.
My personal space is part of my person. That includes my living area. Don't violate it.
If you need something and it is implied, don't expect to get it. If you need something, and ask by using a lot of implied feelings, don't expect to get it. If you are being appropriate about the size of the request and the relationship and simply ask for what you want from me without referencing someone or being too personal, you just might get it.
From time to time, I need to remind myself of these things. If a relationship becomes too poisoned, I take a vacation or a permanent break. If you receive a warning (some people will call them threats even if they are not specific) or I stop responding or block your communications, you are on an involuntary vacation from all categories and interaction. The "Don't contact me again unless I contact you" is implied. DSS, FBI's ICD, SCDHEC, BBB and the local police are a click or phone call away. ICD and BBB are the only ones that tend to hear from me. I prefer not to put people behind locked doors.
If you say, "quit it", "give it up", "let it go" or something nonspecific, you are wasting your breath and energy. I'll have no idea what you are talking about, and you will gain nothing. Generally, it's not your business anyways. Develop some common sense.
